I got to the place and it is packed. And the fact that it's not that big also makes it more difficult to navigate, so I'll help you out with the ordering process. You can order your food, but if you're going to eat in, you need to be in a place to sit first before they will even cook it. So, step up, order and also get a beer. This you can consume while you stand around waiting for someone to get up. A lot of the tables are more like an indoor beer garden, so don't be afraid to snag a spot at a table with a bunch of other folks. I was starving so I grabbed the first place that opened up when two dudes in full bike gear decided to bounce. Just let the front counter know you have a spot now and what your number was and they will fire up your food. I can't wait.
Another thing to be aware of is that the food comes out at random times. First to show up was my french fries. Good because I was hungry. Bad, though, because I was hungry for wings. But, patience is a virtue and I was willing to wait this one out. Sure enough they show up and I am both underwhelmed and excited at the same time.
The wings look on the smallish side, and that is a bummer. An order of 12 costs $11, so you're hoping these suckers are gonna be huge. However, the smell coming off of them is amazing. The X-tra Hot has a nice spicy aroma, but it's the El Jefe that makes your nose hairs curl. These babies are gonna be hot. When I ordered them, the lady at the counter asked me, "Have you ever had these before?" To which I replied "No, are they hot?" She answers, "Crazy hot..." To which I simply return a two thumbs up and a smile. I may live to regret that gesture. Let's eat.
The wings themselves are cooked so-so. Not exactly crispy outsides, some are a bit soggy. It's almost as though they are par-cooked. Which would make sense since it seems most everyone in the joint is order the wings. But, it's not overly noticeable, so it won't count against them too much. Also, it turns out that some of the wings are of a larger size, so the size all kind of comes out in the wash. We'll call it average in size.
Now, the sauce, and they is a liberal amount of it on the wings is quite tasty indeed. There isn't a lake of sauce, so my Wingman back in Pittsburgh might frown, but there is a more than acceptable amount of sauce on the wings. So, let's get back to the tasty. The X-tra Hot has a really good flavor. Spicy, but not just to burn. It has a really good flavor - and not just based on a Franks N Butter sauce, you can tell they have a love of the pepper here. And the heat creeps up on you. After two of these, I start thinking, "if the El Jefe are crazy hot and my mouth is already this hot, I'm gonna be in trouble". I hate the fact my brain thinks the truth...
I move on the El Jefe and down time first one. The first taste that hits me is the taste of black pepper. This sauce is really really good. And the fact that the heat isn't really there makes me start to think that maybe they got the sauces switched. Perhaps I started with the El Jefe and these were the X-tra Hot? So, I grab for the second one and down that with no issue, but still enjoying the pepper-tinged moist white insides. And then, it happens. My mouth starts to explode with a feeling like I just jumped on a loose grenade and ate it to save the rest of my platoon at the table here.
That is a picture on the wall next to me, and it's very accurately portraying what I am feeling at this moment. There is so much heat and I normally do not use the items on the side (the celery and blue cheese), but I had to dive into that stuff. Not the mention I was drinking my Lagunitas Lil Sumptin Special pitcher as fast as I could pour it in the glass. Finally, after about 5 minutes, I turn back to the X-tra Hot, looking for solace. Which it delivers on. It's funny that at first, the X-tra Hot was just that, extra hot. But now, it's my safety oasis. I eat two more and I'm feeling more confident, so I turn back to the El Jefe. C'mon Wingarm Ali, let's do round 2.
Pop the first one in, and again, it's deceivingly tasty, and no hint of heat. Eat the second one and there it goes again. My ears start to ring and my nose is dripping like a faucet. I would like to share the text message exchange I had with my friend back in Pittsburgh at this time:
Me: These wings could kill someone. Holy hell hot.
Bob: That sound fantastic.
Might I mention, that my friend Bob is probably the craziest person I know when it comes to heat. I don't just think he likes it, I think it powers his life force.
Me: Small size, but wow, what flavor and so hot, I'm dizzy.
Bob: That's right! The dizzy part is a weird feeling and that's high.
Me: It is. It's like that capsaicin is release so much seratonin in my body, I can't function. Wow.
Me: I just felt the table vibrate for no reason.
Bob: Earthquake?
Me: Heatquake!
That pretty much sums it up. If you're ever in Portland, do yourself a favor and check this place out. They aren't the best wings I've ever had, but they are some of the most flavorful. Until we meet again El Jefe, you better watch your back.
Order: 6 X-tra Hot 6 El Jefe
Size: 3 Prep: 3.5 Taste: 5 Total: 11.5
